![]() ![]() So you find yourself on a talk show circuit, exhorting the spiritual benefits of horse masturbation. ![]() Realize that this world is cruel, and the only time you’ll ever experience agape love is when jacking off beasts of burden. He actually, physically cannot call you.ġ0. Not just because he’s too busy at work, but because he has hooves instead of fingers. Let the world know how much you care for your horse. Then take the residual jism, spread it over your face, take photos, and send them to all your friends. When the horse deposits, his eyes will roll to the back of his lids, his back leg will kick, and he may feel vulnerable. While stroking the gigantic animal penis, you’ll likely feel a range of emotions (embarrassment, self-loathing, jealousy that your needs aren’t met, etc.). “Oh equine god, I am running the flag up your majestic pole. If not familiar: it’s the same motion Bobby made at you in 7th grade on the bus when you said you wanted to finish your algebra assignment.ĥ. Apply your warmed right hand to his monument, thumb extended in the classic shaft-grabbing motion. How do they keep you contained in this pen?”Ĥ. “Nice horsey, beautiful mane, great fetlocks…” Then, stroke his manhood: “I’ve never seen such a massive horse unit as yours. Horse semen typically has a discharge force of 125,000 CFS (or the stream of a fire hose).ģ. Lay newspaper on the ground (horses typically have a blast radius of somewhere around 4 feet). I prefer Clydesdales, but really any horse with a large, fully-erect cock will do.Ģ. Ideally one with a beautiful chestnut or palomino coat. My husband told me I was ‘The Bean Queen’ and then one owner sent me a set of overalls with it written on the back and it just stuck.1. It was after I had been to one yard and treated 16 horses and removed 16 beans. How did you get the name ‘The Bean Queen’? I just spend a few minutes massaging the beans out - I always manage to get them out. Owners should not be picking the smegma off either. I will often lubricate the sheath first and leave it for a bit while I treat another horse, and then by the time I have come back to it, the beans will have loosened up and they are easier to remove. I simply use KY Jelly, a water-based lubricant, and vinyl gloves - never latex gloves. I use no chemicals or baby oil, because that just attracts grit. It is such a delicate area and you have to be gentle. There is strictly no scrubbing! You will often hear of owners scrubbing the sheath area with soapy water but this is the worst thing you can do. What is the process involved in removing a bean? Sometimes horses need to be sedated by a vet first but that is rare. They are often relieved straight away and visibly more comfortable. I would say that 99% of horses will start off being difficult but I can guarantee, if a horse has beans, they will stop being tricky pretty soon - it is almost like they are asking you to remove the bean. I visit Robert Whitaker’s yard to clean his horses and have treated his top horse, Catwalk IV. I have clients across the disciplines, including ponies, ex-racehorses and showjumpers. Although the stallions end up enjoying it far too much! I mostly treat geldings, but I have also cleaned a few stallions, and a donkey. They are more comfortable and happier within themselves. The feedback I get from owners is that their horses are so different in their temperament after having beans removed. The biggest bean I have removed was bigger than a fifty pence piece (pictured, below) - it was more like the size of a golf ball. What’s the biggest size bean you have seen?
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